INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT GIRLS

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to'get over him'after the relationship's over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawing sand writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act look uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words"I love you"is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple'Hi'can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their'prettier'friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

i don't w

Speaking For Myself

I am not criticizing anyone in particular here, just saying, don't rush to judgment. It is not always cut and dried. Sometimes there are factors the come into play that is not evident and for the sake of time and space I don't post. I write to express myself, not to gain fans or sympathy. I only write to express myself. That is it.


Maybe I am over sensitive. Maybe I should try to grow a thicker skin. I don't know how I can because I have always been this way. It just seems that sometimes people jump in too quickly and assume the worst of me. I am not a child or a dimwit. Sometimes the things people say are cold and uncalled for. Sometimes people miss the point entirely. Is it up to me to fill everyone in on all the details? I have been here 3 months. In that time many things have happened. A newcomer couldn't possibly know or understand what has transpired before. I know that and certainly understand. But when is it my turn to say, enough!!

I have been around the block a few times. I'm not a kid. I'm not wet behind the ears. I have lived and yet sometimes I feel that people think they are talking to a kid when they address me. They give advice that is off base, does not apply to me or is completely ignorant of all the facts.

I don't want to change the world or straighten anyone out. I just write. I put my musings on line. Is that wrong? Do you write or do you just read others stories and comment? I don't mean that to be judgmental because to each his own, but those of us who muse publicly are putting ourselves out there and open to the naysayers. It takes guts to write. Not everyone can. It takes a certain devil may care attitude to put it all out there. Then someone comes along and calls you names and tries to knock you down. It's not what blogspot is about.

I don't comment on many posts, maybe because I am afraid I will say the wrong thing. Maybe because I know each post is personal and tells someone’s secrets or heart and soul. I want to protect the sanctity of those posts, not judge them or soil them.

There are many types of individuals on blogspot. Some people here have ideas that I find amusing and some are just plain off the wall. I see people fussing over silly things and getting paranoid and needy. I won't go down that road here. I have enough troubles in my real life that I deal with…. If you can't read my posts and accept them for what they are, my feelings at the moment that I wrote it, then, you are not going to like me very much. I don't expect you to wrap your head around my moods or meanings, but please take them for what they are, post on a website. My life doesn't depend on it and yours shouldn't either. Play nice, please.

A Letter For My Girl Friend

You can break me down into a million little pieces and I will get up, put myself back together and still be 10x stronger than you! What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning, so sit back, smile, and wait for the new to arrive! The people who have walked out of our lives do not deserve the right to control your future love me without fear, trust me without wondering, love me without restrictions, want me without demand, accept me how i am or watch me as I go. I’m stronger than all this.

One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do is stop loving someone because she is not loving you. Every time I see you my heart still skip a beat, and then I realize that you are not mine. You will always have a place in my heart, but I must move on.Why can’t I let go? Why can’t I get you out of my head? Why do i keep hearing\seeing your name? Why do I still love you? :) I saw you once and got a crush. I saw you again and melted in your hand. I saw you walk away and my heart was crushed and stayed faded till this day. Sometimes endings are opportunities you can’t be with someone knowing your still in love with the person that always going to have your heart and always did from the start wants to know.

How can you say you love someone & then just throw them away like their nothing anymore? Neither the prettiest nor the smartest and don’t have the perfect physique but I do have a HEART!!! I feel you in my spirit and I see you in my dreams, there are so many memories and I have not been the same it seems. We will be together for now in my dreams. Yea, I’m having one of those. If I ever do something dumb like fall in love again, SHOOT ME! It’s not what you do or say, it’s what you don’t. Someday you’ll see that I was the one who loved you the most. Chinese Proverb: If you love it let it go, if it comes back to you it’s yours. What happens if two people say the same thing? Not all people who’s IN-LOVE with each other needs relationship and not all people who have relationships LOVE each other.

I’m sorry for being your friend, I’m sorry I bothered you, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, I’m sorry I’m still in love with you. After all the late nights and good times, when everyone else has moved on, you will remember the one. Who loved you but they won’t be standing here anymore. Wonders, what went wrong. We were happy and everything then one day. Everything went wrong and there was nothing to do but give up, and try to move on. All I can do is laughing it off because in the end, you were just a joke! I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss you, I’d be lying if I said I don’t want you, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t still love you so very much. You hide the tears with that fake smile that everyone believes, but inside you’re about to burst into tears.

Too often we get hurt the worst because we let someone take up so much of our heart that when they leave; There’s barely enough left to beat. At some point in our lives, a person comes along that gently dismantles our walls. And sometimes, that same person is the reason you will build them back up. I’m tired of staying awake and crying over what we had and you thinking it is nothing. So I’m done. You just lost an amazing person. No matter how I wish it, the pain will never go away. Never take those you love for granted because one day they might be gone when you need them the most. You never know what you have until it’s gone. When I lost you I realized I lost of piece of me. A piece that made me who I am today. A piece that always made me happy. And that is you. If I died today would you regret all the yesterdays you could have spent with me?

Everything happens for a reason, although we may not understand it at the time, if you hang in there, all the pieces will eventually fall where they belong feeling like they is last on a list of choices. What you do does sometimes speak louder than words. Someday you are going to wake up and realize that you had every single thing you ever wanted. You were just too stupid to notice it, until I walked away! Falling in love is the easy part. What happens after not always so easy? It’s hard to let go of someone who has touched your life but it hurts more to say goodbye to someone who was never yours yet changed your life. I see a shiny star high in the sky looking down upon us… and i just know it’s you there looking down on us. Basically the worst feeling in the world is finding out the one you love loves someone else. Doesn’t understand its feelings.There is no guy worth crying over.

The only one that is will be the one that won’t make you cry. Sometimes, if you TRULY love somebody, you gotta let them go their own way, and if it’s TRUE love, it WILL find its way back to you. Don’t Fall For! Something that isn’t willing to catch you. I can hold back my tears and hide them with a smile but I can’t hide that hole in my heart. I must be stupid to still love you! LOVE takes effort & acceptance, it won’t always B a happy ride, but the circumstances are too complicated for you both to be together. The mind may not always remember but the heart never forgets. My heart never forgot YOU. I remain strong and my mind is at ease. Then just one thought or one memory crosses my mind, and the strength I had slips away.

Ever look around and notice that almost everyone has someone? And then you look in the mirror, and what do you see? Yourself just yourself. So I smile sometimes to hide my feelings but they want to explode. I wonder if I would ever feel the love I once had, maybe I will maybe I won’t, who knows. The saddest Love is to Love someone, to know that they want you and you want them. Says it’s not up to me anymore. If you want me in your life then you find a way to put me there. Until then I’ll keep my silence. I think of you, I just can’t talk to you. I miss you, I just can’t admit it. I need you, I just can’t show you. I love you, I just can’t tell you. The word “SORRY” only means something if you’re NOT going to do it again! If someone does NOT see you in their future, maybe it’s time to put them in your past.

Says the difference between being single and being married is like asking yourself if you’d rather be lonely or annoyed. I’ll continue to love you, even if you have moved on to another time. True love is when you will do anything for the person you love even if it means you can’t be with that person. Sometimes walking away is the only option. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on. Whoever said time heals all is full of shit. Your heart only becomes strong enough to endure it! looking up at the sky, hoping you are looking back down, miss you and love you with all my heart. When you see me look away it’s because I don’t want my eyes to tell what my heart is afraid to say. I love it when you call me !

I tried to love you in every situation but it became too much. So now you want me around again but you pushed me too far away. You can push me away if that’s what you want; I will let you go, but please don’t ask me to stop loving you. Because that’s just too much to ask. I’m scared because I don’t want anyone else to have your heart i don’t want anyone else to kiss your lips I don’t want anyone else to be in your arm. I will never hate you. Even when you hate me, even when you don’t stand up for me, even when you ignore me, even when you hurt my heart so much. When we make choices. We have to live with them I am living my life the best I can I will never regret the time that we shared I just regret the pain I have. I buried you somewhere deep down. So I know your still there. But the soil above is my land and my reign.

says: “Fear is all about attachment. We fear losing what we are attached to, because all things are temporary. Only unconditional love can overcome fear.” Just wondered if I cross your mind half as much as you cross mine. You keep pushing me further and further out of the picture; someday you will look for me and find me gone.
I want to be alright without you. I want to smile, I want to laugh, and I just want to stop lying to myself. You've been pulling me down for way too long and I know now it's time to let you go. It's time I stop worrying about you and your precious little life; it's time I think about myself for a change. It's time I treat myself right and leave behind those who don't. It's time I dig myself out of this hole and start all over again with someone who just might be willing to give me the chance that you never did.

I decided to stop writing to you, not even a simple ''Hello, How are you''. But I'm burning inside; I'm burning like nuclear reaction, melting my very being from inside out. I've never missed so much any one before as I missed you these days.

You will always be my favorite part

A Story That Changed My Life

I’m rewriting a story I have read some day ago. Well, you can find it on the internet. As a checked I found around 800 instance of the story on Google. But then again, Google removes duplicates and so there will be more. I just checked yahoo and then find about thirty thousand of a key phrase of the story.
I get into any ranting and philosophizing I’m about to give you that’s more like it. Here’s the story

                                A story that changed my life
Steve is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, “I am feeling good enough for two people!”Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant.

Why?

Because Steve was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Steve was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Steve and asked him: “I don’t get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Steve replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood.

I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life.”

“But it’s not always that easy,” I protested.

“Yes it is,” Steve said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk every situation is a choice.
You choose how you react to situations.
You choose how people will affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.
It’s your choice how you live your life.”

Several years later, I heard that Steve accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business. He left the back door of his restaurant open.

And then?

In the morning, he was robbed by three armed men.

They want?
While Steve trying to open the safe box, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Steve was found quickly and rushed to the hospital.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Steve was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Steve about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “I am feeling good enough for two people. Want to see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Steve replied. “Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared?” I asked.

Steve continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘He’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me,” said Steve. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’

Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead’.”

Steve lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.
I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours – that no one can control or take from you – is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.Wanna Read Another story "Story Of A Baby"

SOME TIME

First of all, going in deep, ask yourself do you love me? If you aren't sure or even have the slightest bit of doubt in your mind, then why you trying so hard to make sure that I really love you? If you do love me, then you just have to put your faith in me and I will return your love for you.
Well, There is no any real way to tell you that I’m really in love with you rather I would tell you how I really feel about you. It's almost one and half months when I started noticing you in our class and I observed you so closely that I remember everything about you and I found out, we are both similar in every aspect of our life, and we have many things in common. I hope you are aware about it.
I’m writing this because I’ve had you on my mind I just wanted to tell you that I like you. I like your beautiful smile, your pretty eyes and just everything about you. When you first spoke to our class about creating a class blog, keep me interested and focused on you so much that I was always trying to know more and more about you and wanted to get close to you, wanted to be your friend, at least, a temporary place to know you more. I would like to see more of you. I do not know how to express or analyze the conflicting emotions that have surged like a storm through my heart; I can honestly say I am truly in love with you. You have the greatest soul, the noblest nature, the sweetest, most loving heart I have ever known, and my love for you have increased in yesterday evening when you said you love to be Nepalese, Indeed! It would increase the loving association.
I love you so dearly that are beyond all expression, except in some great poem which I cannot write. You are more wonderful and lovely in my eyes.
Sujit Plus
Before you judge someone, try walking in their shoes for a mile. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes..

Life is chance

I don't think there's a certain standard in how people should live their lives. It's what everyone feels comfortable with doing and what makes them happy, as long as they're not out there committing some type of crime that could hurt other people who cares?
To start out, my life is basically made up of lies from relatives, friends, so called gods, and everyone else. I've never been an outgoing person, I've been myself and no one seems to accept that. I live in a city with no real friends. I have no goals in my life, and nothing to look forward to. I struggle to get out of bed every day, for lack of purpose. It's not like I strive for these things, they just happen. I've had no real girlfriends, or just friends, who treat me as an equal and not some punching bag with no feelings, so I compensate with blogging.
Whenever I attempt something new in my life, it comes back and slashes me like the keenest sword across my bare chest, then the ridiculing starts. Over the years I believe I've created a shield of social emotion lessens, adding to my awkwardness with people. Whenever I try starting conversations with new people, I am unable to express the way I can express on paper and ruin any hope of a connection. I need help, because I'm afraid of what I'll do when I can't talk anymore.
Some day ago I posted same story on my facebook page and She laughs and tells me You can fall, you can lose, and you can suffer. Your love or your health can be lost but until you are alive, you have a chance to stand up again, to harmonies your indulgence, to won back, to heal, to find the true love. Well, I remembered it written here for you all to read; there would be a lot more to say only I feel I am taking too much space here. I will write my full story someday when I'll feel I have all the pieces of the puzzle. Indeed, Life is a chance! Don’t forget it.

I wish I could travel the whole of my life

Travelling, a very meaningful world, indeed. It is another way to experience new ways thoughts of life. Two aspects of travelling, Outdoor and indoor, I am always fond of wandering myself outdoor destination. I want to travel the entire globe. I want to go to every corner of Earth and experience it, learn about it, enjoy the view. I love to travel. I love culture. I've seen some truly amazing things. I sometimes dream of taking off and living in different country for a few months at a time. And I want to keep on going... and going. I will travel one day. May be not see the whole world, but I will see the places on top of my list. But I do wish I could travel the whole of my life. I'm going to do it someday when the time is right. There are many things I would love to explore some days. Cultures are just so exciting; I love the differences in people and the way these differences contribute to certain rituals and characteristics within a person. I can't wait to start exploring these cultural differences. I just wish I was getting out of college soon so I could start meeting more people with different backgrounds.

Are you my soulmate?

I have always focused on tomorrow. I wanted tomorrow because it was a new chance to live it better than the day before. Somehow if I could make it through today then I always had tomorrow to look forward to, but then I realized that by focusing too much on tomorrow I wasn’t living today, and I offered my hand to someone to be friend and really that moment change my life. I realized today is precious and should not be ignored; it should be lived. I am not in a hurry anymore, but one day I would like to see my soulmate in her (Yes, It’s you :P).

What I Want to have in My Soulmate?
I suppose my ideal type would be someone that is very strong mentally and emotionally, one step stronger than me, that she literally overwhelms me with her presence. I go for the quiet, confident type, you know the ones that don’t have to make noise and talk a lot to be noticed. The type that just walks into the room and just her presence is enough to attract attention, the type that is slightly unapproachable because of all that quiet confident that says she is not someone you want to mess with. I feel I am such a complicated person though from everything I have been through that she would have to be very stabled minded and confident in herself in order to handle me. I don’t trust easily when it comes to girl, they have to earn it, but once they have, I am the most loyal, giving, caring person out there.

She has to be protective, giving, and passionate and listens to me when I talk to her. I want a girl that is loyal to me as much as I am to her and is willing to stand up for me and take my side without a moment’s hesitation even if I am wrong. Of course I’ll admit if I am wrong about something, but at least I’ll know she has my back. I have a hard times and it will be long as long as I am in the process of study or until I get back on my feet; I hope my soulmate would understand and not just take advantage.

she has to have a sense of humor about everyday life knows with all the strict discouraging crap I have been through in my life I am  desperate to be able to laugh and be happy and I am definitely someone that loves to laugh. It doesn’t take much to please me, I am pretty simple, not into materialistic, I am pretty much down to earth and practical, but I do love flowers.

Oh and she has to be able to explore nature with me I have yet to meet the girl who just loves being outdoors as much as I do. I have to be outside during the summer, not closed up in some dark room playing video games all day which I have noticed a lot of girls tend to do lately with their boyfriends. I also love exploring the city, so she has to be adventurous as far as trying out new foods, going new places and going to events that take place in different places. And last, she has to love to eat because I love cooking.

Note: - There is a difference between ideal and requirement ideal is as close to perfection as one can get for nobody is perfect. It’s the ultimate goal to shoot for but it is certainly not fixed in stone. Requirements are those issues in which you have set standards on that are or should be non-negotiable. As with many issues in general in life, in relationships or when seeking soulmate, I needs to be flexible and willing to compromise without compromising their own self or beliefs and values in the process, otherwise one is settling. I understanding the clear distinction between the two is key.
Finding someone like that has never happened before hope you are my soulmate, I could added much more to it.
Peace

The Rules Of The Game Called Life

You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period of your life. Now, you will have to learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the panorama to learn what you most need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you think you need. There are no mistakes, only lessons. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are additional lessons to be learned. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself what behavior of yours they are mirroring.

You will forget all this. You will forget all the above rules unless you regularly practice some means of staying focused and grounded in the present. Your ego will continually try to trick you into blaming your past or becoming anxious about the realities of life.

Next Story Mother's Love

Blogger Labels: Rules,Game,Life,period,lessons,panorama,lesson,person,behavior,Story,Mother,Love

Mother India will have no mothers

The nation of mothers still follows a culture where people idolizes son and mourns daughters. If the practice continues, then no longer a day will come when Mother India will have no mothers, potentially, no life. You all are proud citizens of India. The need of hour is to realize your responsibilities and give a halt to this evil crime. What can you do to curb the brutal and undesirable practice of mass killing girls? A determined drive can initiate a spark to light the lamp and show the world that you all are part of the great Mother India

The Rule Of The Game called Life, Next

Why is there something rather than nothing?

Let me confuse you all so that burden of doing some identified and slotted job may take backseat and you get relaxed for some time. I am doing so purposely to divulge you from present indulge in nowhere..Why is there something rather than nothing? We do not know. We will never know. Why? To what purpose? We do not know whether there is a purpose. But if it is true that nothing is born of nothing, the very existence of something – the world, the universe – would seem to imply that there has always been something: that being is eternal, uncreated, perhaps creator, and this is what some people call God...you may name it else.

Life is a Race

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationship are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

importance of being oneself

Few people understand me throughout my life. The general perception is I am arrogant and stubborn. But nobody ever cared to empathize with those undefined voids inside me which were thirsty for attentions. I don't blame anyone for even I didn't care to understand the real me. Thanks to all those who made me realize the importance of being oneself.

What is love

I don't judge love is something you"fall into" I believe love is verb - it is approach of thinking and acting. It is a way of looking at the world. Its about wanting to help others,its about giving of yourself and not looking for anything in return. Love is an attitude, love leaves you wanting to give more, true love does exist, but it is not the same as happiness. Being in "love" is easy, loving is hard work.

Real life

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins but this is just an idea, in real our society is completely different where you are responsible for everything whether you have done or not, here you are responsible for all, you cant escape from your liability and blame. You must have to face it.

A friendship request Letter

My dear Friend, Hope my word will find you best of your health and cheer. As I am replying you after so many days it's due to the cause of mathematics project that took my all past few days. Still I apologized for my delay reply, please read it and find it in your heart……!
Thanks Friend for extending your esteemed friendship with me that I value much. Your kind word overwhelmed me. The one “he said to not cast your pearls to the swine lest they should trample them under their feet” wow, It touched heart. You know, I never used to be this way. When I was in high-school I had a wonderful group of friends that I spent all my time with. They were good friends. Real ones. After high-school. we drifted apart, especially once I moved to a different city. I had trouble making friends in the new city, but I did meet some people to hang out with. A few of them were fake friends and I had to end things. The real friends have moved away.

When I came here in this university, I try to make very few friends, probably because I didn't try very hard. I felt that I didn't fit in anywhere. Looking back, I can see there were people who tried to befriend me that I do actually like and for some reason I did not take advantage of it.

I understand intellectually that I can be a good friend to someone, and I can be fun to hang out with and I'm loyal. But for some reason when someone I like tries to befriend me, I have trouble believing that they actually like me. I question it and I wonder what they really want out of me.

I want so badly to have a meaningful friendship, but the actual act of becoming close to someone scares me.

I don't have many friends. I have acquaintances, but not many close friends. I was dealing with some personal stuff and I needed someone to talk to. I could not reach any of my closer friends, so I made a mistake and called someone who used to be a close friend but has turned into a bad friend. So, I decided to keep thing within me, It's you only whom I expressed my feeling openly, I believed that it will remain locked in your heart only.

I only have one real friend right now; it’s me/ myself only. I am so thankful to have me as a friend, although I often wish that I had more friends in this city that I could hang out with. I hate when I see something that looks like fun to do, and then I realize I have nobody to go do it with. I hate coming home at the end of the day and wanting someone to talk to, only to realize there is nobody that I can call. So ever since that has happened I have come to realize just how friendless I really am.

I also know what it is like to have to struggle each day to live: I myself have to work out my motivations and use my desire to live more. I don't know if you are like me but I know I have a desire to live a beautiful, normal and decent life. Only I'm not used to using that as a force to get through the day. I've learned to be overly serious but I want to learn to laugh too.
There would be a lot more to say only I feel I am taking too much space here. I will write my story someday when I'll feel I have all the pieces of the puzzle.
Please take care of yourself
With best wishes